I had a few other blogs in the pipeline that I wanted to write about, but with everything that is going on, I felt I had to write about this topic. This last month and a half have taken its toll with all these killings of black people. First, Ahmaud Arbury was hunted and gunned down in cold blood, then Breonna Taylor gets shot in cold blood in her own place, then to tap it off, the killing of George Floyd.  He said you piece of crap that he couldn’t breathe, but you still decided to say damn to his life and continue to put your god damn knee on his neck. Well, guess what? You murdered George Floyd, and because of your ignorance, we are finally standing up saying enough is enough.

With these killings, people are outraged and pissed off. They have been outraged to a point where there has been an abundance of protests happening across the country. Most peaceful but some ending in burning businesses, looting, and people getting hurt.  Even though I do not agree with the burning down of businesses, I understand that people are fed up, and they have just had enough of these killings, so they are speaking out the way they feel will get the message across.  But is that justice, is burning stores, businesses, marching, will it work?  We have been doing this for hundreds of years, and honestly, you can say nothing has changed. But for some apparent reason this time is different. I believe we need to continue the fight that Harriet Tubman fought for, that Rosa Parks fought for, Martin Luther King fought for, Malcom X fought for, and yes even Colin Kaepernick, and several others.  We need to believe that change will come, and it some ways it has.  We are finally being heard, and white people are finally listening. Several major figures who are white have come out stating, “We hear you now, and we are going to listen. That is a huge breakthrough, so even though people disagree with the protest, the marching, and burning businesses, we are finally making a statement.

For those of you who feel distressed, feel like this is too much, and this burden is hard to carry, it is. I am trying to deal with the feelings that I am important and that I can avoid the pain but it has been a hard fight. I honestly feel this is one of the hardest fights I ever had. I can’t believe I am hesitant to go out for a run now because I am afraid someone will hunt me down and shoot me. I have found myself looking over my shoulders all the time because I am scared somebody will harm me or attack me simply because of the color of my skin. I have wondered, “Does my life matter, should I leave it in the hands of someone else, or should I even take my own.” I figured if I take my own life, I would not give a white person the right to kill me, but what would that solve? Whether I am killed by a white man, a policeman, or myself, it will not solve anything. The only person who should be deciding when it is my time to leave this world is my Heavenly Father. So until that day comes, I have to stand tall with my brothers and sisters and fight. I have to be proud of who I am and the person that I have become and you all should too. Never doubt yourself and do not believe you are not worth anything because your lives are worth more than gold or anything that money can buy.  God put everything single one of us in this world for something great. You might not have figured it out now, but you will one day, and when you do, you will change the world.

It’s sad that it took these killings and this long for everyone to wake up, but I will say it’s about damn time.  It’s about time for a change and it’s about time that white people listen. Listen, and at least try to understand what we as people of color have to go through every day. To my white allies, I appreciate you all, and I am looking forward to your help in bringing change. To all of my people of color, we always say white people never want to listen; well, guess what. They want to listen now, so let’s take advantage of this time, and let’s educate.

I hope you all take the time to understand and realize it is not about the flag, it is not about disrespecting the military, and it is not about making it seem like we are better than everyone else.  When we say “Black Lives Matter,” we are not saying no other lives matter; we just want to say that our lives matter too and we want to work with all races until we are all living in a world in which we can all say “All Lives Matter.” To my black people, I know these times are hard, but we will get through this.  We have survived for this long and persevered, and we will continue to do so.  So as I conclude I am here to say, I am Ahmaud Arbery, I am Breonna Taylor, I am Trayvon Martin, I am Eric Garner, I am Michael Brown, I am Tamir Rice, I am Philando Castile. I can continue to go on and on because the list of black people who have been murdered by the police or by vigilantism is way too long to list everyone. By now, you should get the point, and if you don’t holla at your boy and let’s have a grown uncomfortable discussion.

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